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Wednesday, August 1, 2012

All-Star Superman - What The Frak!?

I love watching the recent entries into the Marvel and DC Universe Animated features. Batman Superman: Apocalypse, Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths (Based on Crisis on Infinite Earths), Green Lantern: First Flight (seemingly the story-line for the Green Lantern film), Batman: Under the Red Hood, Hulk vs and Planet Hulk. All of these are fantastic pieces of work. When I recently added All-Star Superman I was eager to see it.

I was awkwardly surprised. 

I don't need to give two perspectives on this film because both sides are thinking the same thing, well...sort of. Most may not know that this was also pretty close to the comic of the same name. Perhaps my vitriol is more specific to the comic and not the film.

I was not sure what to expect, and last night I showed this one to my friends who were relatively crashing at my house. We had just finished watching Superman Batman: Public Enemies, might as well show them this one, I was curious to see their reactions. In truth I fell asleep...It was 6:00 AM and I had seen this before with limited concern to watch it again.

The movie essentially starts out with an awkward allusion to kryptonians and then jumps to an image of Superman, to then show some scientists on an orb orbitting the sun conducting some experiments. At first, you figure you are watching another origin film on Superman until you realize it's not about that at all...

Continuing, you end up seeing a scientist morph into some strange mutant that begins to trash the ship and eventually realize Lex Luthor is behind it controlling this mutant, coordinating his movements from Earth with a few minutes of time delay.

Around this moment it shows Lois Lane typing up a story stating "Superman Saves the first Manned Mission to the Sun". Yet it's still occurring? O_o

Of course he does, but the presumption is a little odd...perhaps it's just bad writing...

Then of course in the myriad of strange abilities Superman has shown throughout his career, a new one emerges...He all of a sudden surrounds the ship with his "Bio-Electric" field, which looks more like a ton of his snot in a net, pulling it from his head to protect the ship from the Sun...wasn't the ship fine as it was already coasting very close to the surface of the sun?...XD Couldn't he have just gotten under it and pushed it away quickly...Obviously this was a "state-of-plot" device to showcase the new ability (of course originating in the comic).

Essentially it takes you to the moon where he is being checked on by the same scientists he just saved and apparently his strength has nearly tripled...

Later on, he reveals his secret identity to Lois, gives her super powers, fights with Samson and Atlas, answers riddles from the Ultra-Sphinx, yeah ok... He tours his fortress with all sorts of new hobbies he has contained inside and at one point makes dresses for Lois. Odd...

Here is where it gets interesting, in one scene while Lois is observing whats going on in the fortress, Superman is off the screen for a few seconds, then flashes back with some strange flowers..."I picked these for you from a planet near Alpha Centauri" - So, he pretty much traveled 4.365 Light Years and back (8.730 to be exact)... in under 5-6 seconds...WTF - that's faster than anything I have ever heard of in any comic (or Sci-fi for that matter) in terms of moving to and from, not jumping or teleporting...If you're like me and you want to do the math. that speed of light is 186,000 miles per second (per second) - and a light year is how much time it takes light to travel in a year. usually 9.46x10 to the 12th power (that's 12 0's following 9,460,000,000,000,000 - that's Quadrillion). in this case take the Quadrillion measure and multiply it by 8.730, you get 82,585,800,000,000,000 (Quadrillion) and he did this in 6 seconds (let's round up) that's 13,764,300,000,000,000 (Quadrillion) per second - or essentially - 74,001,612,903 times faster than the speed of this as an example to Star treks Warp 9 (just under 300 billion miles a second)...If I haven't bored you with the math understand my WTF at this ridiculous moment in the film. Don't get me started on the ramifications of his mass moving at such speed in and out of earth - which would alone ignite molecules at the nuclear level causing most of the earths destruction if he actually moved at that speed...Lois and flowers...No...Earth = ball of fire, yes.

He essentially has to fight off a few more issues, random encounters which were absolutely strange, more of Lex Luthor, and a random pact that he makes with a being to remove Superman's powers...I don't want to ruin this part that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, simply because of the essential timeline - There was no way Luthor could have been in contact with this "being" also makes no sense that he could be...But it's a comic, so its kind of a "Who cares, move on" kind of situation, I just accept it...

It was quite hard to watch and accept this as a film, especially because it was not Tim Daly doing the voice of everyone's favorite Kryptonian. 

He even at one moment argues "What is it going to take for you to keep you hands off my girl" "Que!" as I went off in Spanish...This is not normal behavior...I would understand if they perhaps threw some red kryptonite in (among the other kitchen sinks thrown in) to make the argument, but essentially we are supposed to believe that the Sun, which has always been a good thing for him now was just a little bit too much and is affecting him in these ways...Simply because of the plot device used (that is revealed at the end of the film).

In the end this film was simply was interesting to see a Superman A.D.D. film that goes all over the place and see how they somehow pieced it together. 

Personally I would tell you all to relatively steer clear of this one, it was poorly put together, moved away from the voices we all know and love; pretty much ignores the fandom completely and tries to do something in the end that is unconscionable...for those that have seen it, you already know. 

In truth to be fair, the movie does take a lot of the shots from the graphic novel of the same name and utilizes it well, but this film does not do the novel any justice, it takes to many liberties that did not gel in the film. If you loved the comic this is based on, chances are you loved to see an unrestrained Superman, and for that reason I did like this film. But it was a very haphazard comic, and essentially (as a consequence) a haphazard film. I would say in terms of this one, stick to the graphic novel or wait for it to come on cable and DVR it, it's not worth the money of a Blu-Ray price tag. 

Go for the movies I mentioned above or focus more on just the Superman Flicks:

  • Superman/Batman: Apocalypse 
  • Superman/Batman: Public Enemies 
  • The Batman Superman Movie: World's Finest 
  • Superman: Brainiac Attacks 
  • Superman: Shadow of Apokolips 
  • Superman (Series 1996-2000) 
  • Justice League: The New Frontier 
  • Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths 

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