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Friday, July 24, 2015

National Tequila Day | La Patria Shot


In honor of National Tequila Day I give you La Patria:

Line up multiple shot glasses

Fill each one with a full shot of each of these shots:

1 Shot - Patron Silver
1 Shot - Patron Reposado
1 Shot - Patron Anejo
1 Shot - XO Cafe
1 Shot - XO Cafe Dark Cocoa
1 Shot - Kahlua infused Mexican Chiapas Coffee

Now only take these if you have high tolerance for alcohol, are used to drinking shots, have had a meal and are generally well hydrated. 

with a group of your friends, make a toast to your families, and then all of you shoot your shots one at a time until they are all gone. 

This is La Patria Shot. Shots rather...

Drink responsibly!



Monday, July 6, 2015

Random Reasons Your Hands Are Tainted By Vagina, Ass, Cock, And Balls.


I had another random thought recently, of the many I usually have, seemingly worse than the one I had while in a haze this past week regarding the use of the term "For Mother Russia!". The title of this blog entry should give it away but I'll elaborate.

I challenge anyone reading this to handle some of their money and hopefully come out unsullied. Why? Follow me down the rabbit hole and I'll explain.

The average dollar amount normal Americans carry at any one time is roughly $15 dollars in cash.

Usually, at least $4-8 of it is in dollar bills.

Now if you consider how many strip clubs exist in any normal city, you're looking at an average of 35 per large city and from there an average of 50 girls per location. Generally dancing every 4-5 minutes throughout a 12 to 18 hour period of time--7 days a week. The average girl making $200 a day in tips, the above average girls somewhere in the vicinity of $500-1000 a day and headliners bringing in inordinate sums.


So let's take that and come to a basic ballpark figure. Presuming that a modest number of only 10 girls work a shift with overlap you'd get roughly $4000-6000 dollars made in tips per 16-18 hour day.

Regardless of who is taking that money home those are usually dollars stuffed in vagina's and ass cracks. Yes I know, a crude and vulgar explanation--I want the message to be formed into a solid wrinkle in your brain.

Do the same math for locations with male revues, where woman tend to spend more, the average is roughly $5000-10000 per day. So much for equality right?


Now, take those average numbers and apply it to the 35 average clubs in any major city. and you get an average of $175,000 per establishment with women and somewhere in the same ball park for men--which have less clubs and less male dancers to showcase by comparison.

Take all of this into account and realize that there are (somewhere in the vicinity of) $300,000 dollars a day getting recirculated into the city in many forms. Banks, retail expenses, rent, gas stations, bar tabs, and any number of other places money exchanges hands and eventually back into the hands of the people who live there. Even if we try and recognize that any money hitting banks is likely sent elsewhere, we can theorize a statistical amount of money coming into any city from elsewhere stained by similar means. So for now, we'll keep it simple and state that the money we're talking about is roughly remaining in the same city.

If the frightening thought has yet to enter your mind. Consider that if you live in Miami these numbers are exceptionally modest. The chances that the dollar bills you have in your very wallet right now may have been clutched in the sweaty cheeks of a male stripper or in the sweat-pole swept vagina's of random strippers are very high--if not almost a certainty.

If I take account of this average across a 7 day period, we're looking at roughly $2.1 Million circulated from this industry, gained from the clutches of sweaty genitals before going back into our economy. According to Miami Census numbers as of 2014--Miami has 2,662,874 Million people. That's roughly 1 dollar per person in the city (actually it's $.79 but let's round up for fun). If we consider, or attempt to consider location density as an indicator of where this money is generally spent and where it likely goes, the average is closer to $8 per person living in the vicinity of Miami Springs all the way to Miami Shores.


That's a scary thought!


Nevermind, the thought of my money having run through the thighs of Tila Tequila is a far scarier thought...


So, I return to my original challenge. Handle some of the money, right now, in your wallets, and then get a cotton swab of your hands. I wouldn't begin to imagine how varied the cultures coming from these swabs will be. But you will likely find dead bacteria and viral strains, that can't live for long periods of time airborne, being feasted upon by hordes of staph bacteria, which through a wonderful property in biology, Griffith Law, take on traits of the dead organisms it feeds upon. Who knows what else one might find!?

Considering that the issues in this city for rampant sexually transmitted disease is enormous, and on the rise, I'm quite content that I usually don't carry cash on me and prefer to use cards where possible.

Tainted love? More like Tainted Bills from Tainted Balls...There is my #Random thought for the week.

What #Random thoughts are carrying around in your heads? Comment here, on Facebook, or on twitter.